It's getting to be that time.  Days left with my husband, not weeks or months.  I'm on the verge of a massive break-down, and there's really no point fighting it any more.  Every time he gets home from work or running an errand, I thank God he's back.  I need to be in constant contact with him, even if it's just holding hands.  I want to take pictures of every single thing about him.  His freckles, his tattoo, the way he looks when he sleeps.  But I don't because if I do then it becomes more real.

I know I can get through this.  I have a very strong support system all across the country, I have events and projects planned, and I have family to visit when being here gets to be too much.  I also know what my husbands job entails -and the risk factors involved- which helps a ton (I take the realist approach).  I know he won't take unnecessary risks, and I know what his schedule will be like.  But for everything I know, there is a lot more that I don't.  And possibly won't ever know.  And I'm ok with that, as long as my husband makes it back home alive.  I don't even care if he makes it home for our baby to be born; as long as he comes home to us.

When people (non-military) try to feel sorry for us, I always respond with, "Thanks, but it's his job to deploy.  That's why he is a Marine."  A lot of people (my own mom included) don't like that response.  But it's true.  B is SO excited to deploy, and I'm excited for him.  No, we aren't wanting to be apart.  The exact opposite, in fact.  But us military-folk are pretty good at separating ourself in to two parts, if that makes sense.  Just like when B was flying, when he was in the air that was the only thing he concentrated on.  The million tasks that have to be done at once to go from a stall to a spin to flying level, all in 3 seconds.  And when he landed and briefing was completed, he was on the phone to call me.  I used to ride a lot, it consumed my life for many years.  It was my passion and when I was on the horse, my next jump, turn, and cue were all I thought about.  I think anyone that did a serious sport can relate.  You are consumed by your passion when you're in the game.  Then you go back to "normal" life afterwards.
So that's how B and I are.  Deployment is the game we are concentrating on.  When it's not working hours, he gets a relative amount of normalcy.  My personal normal will shift, too.  But that's just how it will be for a while.  You have to accept it and then continue on with life.


  1. I'm so glad to have found your blog! I hope you dont mind that I'm your newest follower.
    I'm pregnant too so I love to find blogs of other mammas-to-be!

    I think you and your husband are incredibly brave. I hope the time you have left before he leaves is really blessed.

  2. Thank you :) I'll follow you too!