It's getting to be that time. Days left with my husband, not weeks or months. I'm on the verge of a massive break-down, and there's really no point fighting it any more. Every time he gets home from work or running an errand, I thank God he's back. I need to be in constant contact with him, even if it's just holding hands. I want to take pictures of every single thing about him. His freckles, his tattoo, the way he looks when he sleeps. But I don't because if I do then it becomes more real.
I know I can get through this. I have a very strong support system all across the country, I have events and projects planned, and I have family to visit when being here gets to be too much. I also know what my husbands job entails -and the risk factors involved- which helps a ton (I take the realist approach). I know he won't take unnecessary risks, and I know what his schedule will be like. But for everything I know, there is a lot more that I don't. And possibly won't ever know. And I'm ok with that, as long as my husband makes it back home alive. I don't even care if he makes it home for our baby to be born; as long as he comes home to us.
When people (non-military) try to feel sorry for us, I always respond with, "Thanks, but it's his job to deploy. That's why he is a Marine." A lot of people (my own mom included) don't like that response. But it's true. B is SO excited to deploy, and I'm excited for him. No, we aren't wanting to be apart. The exact opposite, in fact. But us military-folk are pretty good at separating ourself in to two parts, if that makes sense. Just like when B was flying, when he was in the air that was the only thing he concentrated on. The million tasks that have to be done at once to go from a stall to a spin to flying level, all in 3 seconds. And when he landed and briefing was completed, he was on the phone to call me. I used to ride a lot, it consumed my life for many years. It was my passion and when I was on the horse, my next jump, turn, and cue were all I thought about. I think anyone that did a serious sport can relate. You are consumed by your passion when you're in the game. Then you go back to "normal" life afterwards.
So that's how B and I are. Deployment is the game we are concentrating on. When it's not working hours, he gets a relative amount of normalcy. My personal normal will shift, too. But that's just how it will be for a while. You have to accept it and then continue on with life.